


Jen Lets Her Guard Down and Kisses the Girl

by lesbianswhopunchnazis



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Jen is mushy, Just let them get married already, smut but make it emotional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:53:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24213979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianswhopunchnazis/pseuds/lesbianswhopunchnazis
Summary: Jen and Judy compare scars.
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 21
Kudos: 193





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This series was written by Liz Feldman for Netflix. All characters belong to her and I am making no profit from this work.

“Stop it! Oh my god that’s fucking disgusting!”

From the other side of the electric fireplace, Judy cackles as she crams a triple-burnt-to-charcoal-marshmallows-s’more into her mouth. 

“Judy! Oh my god noooooooo…”

Burnt marrow oozes to the floor. Judy wipes her mouth, swallows, and throws her arms up in victory. 

“I AM THE S’MORE CHAMPION!”

Jen just looks at Judy and chuckles in disbelief. 

“What?” Judy’s making that adorable little clueless face again, with a slowly encroaching grin and mischievous eyes.

Jen smiles, looks off to the distance, shrugs, looks back at Judy again. “I’m just— I’m glad you’re here, you know.”

Judy makes heart eyes and runs around the fireplace to plop herself down on the bench next to Jen. 

“You know you can’t get rid of me now, right?”

Jen rolls her eyes and gives Judy a playful shove. Judy makes a fake shocked face and shoves Jen back. Then Jen’s burying her fingers in Judy’s ribs with a “you know what, you little asshole elf with your gross burnt marshmallows with little white fluff still stuck all over your nose,” throwing Judy into a fit of giggles. Judy tries to tickle Jen back, but Jen’s too fast and Judy doubles over with laughter. In seeing Judy’s face explode with joy, Jen’s face turns serious and all of a sudden, she doesn’t know what what her hands are doing, she’s lost complete control of her body and she’s grabbing Judy by the waist and pulling her towards her and catching her with her lips and running her fingers through her hair and she can’t stop and she kisses her friend mercilessly, breathlessly, desperately, until she just can’t breathe any longer. 

Jen pulls away and presses her forehead against Judy’s, terrified of what she’ll see in Judy’s face if she backs away far enough to see it. A few seconds pass, maybe a minute. Jen inhales sharply, as if in pain, and draws away. “Shit,” she says, exhaling unevenly. Then she’s shaking, unable to meet Judy in the eye, all of her body closing in on itself. “I’m so, so sorry.”   
Judy’s left hand finds the small of Jen’s back and her other hand pulls Jen back to her. Jen’s eyes flicker back up hesitantly. Judy’s eyes say safety.

“Why are you sorry?”

Their lips clash again and neither can keep her hands off the other. Still kissing, Judy guides Jen off the porch bench and into the guest house, where Jen gently pushes Judy against the door and feels her way up and down her body. When Jen’s hands find the hem of Judy’s shirt, she backs away for a moment and gives Judy a loving look. 

“Is this okay?”

“Only if this is.” Judy’s got the bottom of Jen’s shirt gathered in fistfuls.

Jen bites her lip, then nods slowly and removes the shirt from Judy’s body. Shocked into lesbian panic mode by Judy’s sculpted abs, Jen barely notices as Judy slowly drops Jen’s shirt to the floor and lowers her onto the bed. Jen sighs happily as Judy makes her way down her collarbone, decorating her with kisses. When she gets down to Jen’s bra, Jen tenses a bit and Judy feels the sharp intake of air.

“Is it okay to take this off or you wanna just make out a bit?”

“Oh my god, Judy, please just stop second guessing yourself and let’s, ya know, get this operation going already.”

“Ah, you’re right, sorry, I’ll keep going.”

When Judy unclasps the bra with a determined face and drops it to the floor, Jen inhales sharply again and looks off somewhere distant. Judy immediately stops and lays down on Jen’s side, tracing shapes into Jen’s stomach with her finger. Jen pulls the blanket from the foot of the bed and buries herself beneath it, and faces toward the other direction. 

“Uh… Jen? You okay?”

Jen inhales, and turns back to Judy with tears in her eyes threatening to fall. “I’m sorry.”

Judy’s hand flies to catch Jen’s tears with her thumb. “Oh honey, don’t be sorry, you’re okay.”

Jen sob-chuckles and reaches up to touch Judy’s face. “You’re so perfect.”

Judy rolls her eyes. “I don’t know about that.”

“I do.”

The two stare at each other for a long time, and they hold hands, and Jen cries softly. After a while, Judy asks if Jen wants to talk about it. Jen bites her lip and ponders this.

“I just— I don’t… I don’t want to disgust you like I did Ted,” Jen says quickly, the words falling over themselves. She looks up at Judy.

Judy thinks for a minute, then says, “girl, you know you’re a whole snack and a half, right?”

Jen shakes her head vigorously. “No, Judy, please don’t joke about this.”

“I’m not joking, Jen. 

“You’re the opposite of disgusting.

“And if you’ll let me, I’d very much like to touch you there.

“But only if you want. We can go slow, if you want.”

Jen wipes her face and then nods and whispers, “okay. 

“Yes. 

“I trust you.”

Ever so gently, Judy pulls away the blanket, brings her fingertips up to Jen’s chest and brushes over her scars on both sides. Jen watches her carefully, holding her breath. Judy shifts down and tenderly kisses each inch along the lines of the scars, then backs up and smiles at Jen. 

“Beautiful,” she whispers.

And Jen starts breathing again with relief. She begins to sob. Judy pulls her in close, closer than Jen’s been to anyone in 2 years, and kisses her hair. 

“Thank you,” Jen whispers. 

“Anytime, hot stuff,” Judy responds, and smiles into Jen’s hair.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Judy's turn to cry.

They’re getting better at this. At least, at the making out thing. At slapping each other on the butt when the boys aren’t home just to let each other know, hey hot stuff, I see you. At holding hands in the grocery store parking lot. At loving each other. 

So when Jen pulls Judy up to her room one midnight and tosses her on the bed, Judy’s stomach is a thousand butterflies. Jen’s kisses run from lip to collarbone to breast to stomach and back up again. What a tease, Judy thinks. On her second run down to the stomach, Jen grips the space above Judy’s knees tightly and prepares to eat her alive.

“Ouch!” Judy says softly. 

Jen pauses. “Ouch? Why ouch? Did I touch something? Are you okay? Was it here? Judy?”

Judy sits up and covers her right knee with the palm of her hand. “Ah… yeah. That. I scraped my knee when I was cleaning up that broken wine glass the other day, and I think the wound reopened a bit.”

“Yikes, sorry I was being kind of rough,” says Jen. “Do you have a first aid kit somewhere in here?”

“In the medicine cabinet.” Judy nods towards the bathroom nervously. Jen gets up, throws a shawl over her shoulder, and returns with a damp paper towel, neosporin and a large band-aid a few moments later. She moves Judy’s hand away from the blood and freezes.

Judy’s skin here is puzzled over with a number of white and red lines, young and old, criss-crossing over themselves. Jen tries to quickly continue cleaning and wrapping the latest one before Judy notices her shock, but Judy is already staring Jen down intensely to see what will happen next. Judy suddenly feels like throwing up. So stupid. How could I forget about that one?

Jen smoothes over the band-aid and looks up at Judy with a grin. “All set. No more roughhousing for you tonight, young lady.”

Judy whines. Jen touches her other leg lovingly. There is fear in Judy’s eyes.

“Judy?”

“Hmm?”

“What’s up with all the scars?”

Judy purses her lips. She doesn’t answer right away. 

“I mean, you don’t have to explain anything to me you don’t want to,” Jen adds. “I just… don’t like seeing you hurt.”

Judy’s eyes get watery. She knows she owes Jen an answer.

“Uh… so… I guess when I was younger I used to cut myself sometimes? It was really stupid, I mean, I could’ve gotten an infection or something.”

Jen wraps her hand around Judy’s, which only makes Judy want to cry even more.

“How did it start?” Jen prompts. She runs a thumb over Judy’s fingers absentmindedly. 

“Well I guess when I was 12, I got my mom in trouble when I testified against her in court, about her drug problem.” Jen flinches at the word “12.” 

“Then I was bounced around the foster care system for a while after that. But it all started that night, that she got arrested because of what I said about her. I got a razor. It’s a lot easier with a razor. And I just went crazy with it. It was, like, scary.”

Jen draws circles with her hand on Judy’s back. Judy takes a deep breath.

“I stopped when I was 18, just cold turkey, because it seemed like a childish thing to do. And I was really good about it for a long time. Until, ya know, I killed a man with my car.”

Jen nods and lightly runs her thumb over the band-aid above Judy’s knee. “And this?”

“Oh, that I just got from being a total klutz around broken wine glasses.”

“Judy.”

“Okay, fine,” Judy says. Jen is really hard to lie to. “It’s from that night.”

Without asking, Jen knows exactly which night Judy is referring to. 

“Oh honey,” Jen says, pulling Judy into her arms. They embrace for a long time, Jen rocking a bit back and forth as Judy gathers herself. When they finally pull apart, Judy wipes at her eyes. “You think maybe one day we’ll be able to do this without crying?”

Jen laughs. “Oh Judy, I sure fuckin’ hope so.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Judy's alone in the kitchen cooking her pasta extraordinaire for when Jen and the boys get home, Steve shows up and he wants his money back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for domestic violence and homophobic slurs.

It’s a Thursday night in the fall, and Judy is standing above the kitchen sink throwing her hair back and forth to the sounds of Queen. She pulls a head of broccoli from the refrigerator and re-employs it as a mic. “Mama! Just killed a man! Put a gun against his head!” 

Judy inches around the counter dramatically and dips herself over the stools. “Pulled my trigger, now he’s dead!”

Judy jumps up and tosses her arm into the air, opting for opera-quality falsetto. “Mama! Life had just—”

When she hears a knock at the door, Judy jumps nearly six feet into the air. Flustered and peeking at the windows to make sure no one saw what just happened (because yikes, Jen would never let that go), Judy runs to turn off the music and shouts, “just a minute!”

She walks to the yellow door and pulls it open automatically with a “hey, do you know where the basil is? The spice cabinet’s lookin’ a little sparse there.”

From the other side of the doorway, Steve Wood wedges himself in, grabs Judy by the wrist so hard that she yelps, and shuts the door. Judy’s heart makes fast drum music. Pandemonium. As Steve yanks her elbow backwards into the foyer and slams her against the wall with her arm pinned behind her back. 

“You. Bitch.” 

“Steve, please,” Judy stutters. “Let me explain!”

Steve drags Judy by the hair into the kitchen and tosses her to the floor with a thunk. Judy inches away from him. “Please—”  
“Get up!” Steve shouts. Judy pulls herself to her feet and shakes against the wall where Henry’s turtle drawings are taped. One of the older ones detaches and falls to her feet. She looks to the ground.

Steve shakes his head at her to prolong the moment. Then, with a deeply calm voice that gives Judy the chills, he says, “where. The fuck. Is the money.”

Judy shakes her head and cries. “I don’t know.”

Steve is coming at her in two seconds and slamming his fist against the wall close to her ear. Judy trembles. Steve’s hand finds her wrist and squeezes. He drags her over to the kitchen island and finds her purse, emptying it violently. He forces a pen in her hands and points to her unfolded checkbook. 

“Write the check. I get my 400 grand back and I never bother you again. Do it now!”

Suddenly, time freezes and an eerie calm settles over Judy. She can almost see herself, in this moment, standing from a safe distance away. She sees herself stop crying. She watches herself look up, her eyebrows narrow. Then she sees her head slowly shake no. 

“No.”

For a moment, Steve just blinks. 

Then he pulls something heavy and black out of his back pocket.

It’s a pistol. And it’s aimed right in Judy’s face. 

“Write the check, Judy.”

“No.”

They are looking into each other’s eyes now, Judy and this man she fell in love with once, and they are waiting for something to move. 

Another voice enters the fray.

“Judy, I got you some basil!” Jen calls out from the front door. A shuffling of feet. “I thought you might need some, for the pasta.”

“Put that down,” Judy whispers urgently to Steve. “Steve, please. Jen’s kids are here!”

“Judy, I got an A on my science fair project!” 

At the sound of Henry’s voice, Steve lowers the pistol and makes his way behind Judy to shove it into her lower back. 

When Jen finally makes her way into the kitchen and sees Steve standing behind Judy, her arms fly over in front of the boys protectively. She grabs Charlie and orders, “Take Henry upstairs. Now.”

Charlie does not give his mother any flak. “Come on,” he says to Henry. “We gotta go upstairs.”

But Henry’s too excited to stand still. Jen blocks him with her arm. “Henry…”

“Hey Judy, you wanna see the A I got on my science fair project? Mrs. McKenzie loved my ice bubble maker.”

Judy’s voice is stratosphere high, each syllable cut too short. “Sure Henry, but right now me and your mom need to talk to Steve for a minute about some grown-up stuff. I need you and Charlie to go upstairs right now. I’ll come up later.” 

Jen can tell in the way Judy’s voice shakes, in how close Steve stands behind her, that something is incredibly wrong. That’s when she sees the pistol. The kids disappear up the staircase. Henry looks a little crestfallen, a little worried. Judy breathes a sigh of relief once he and Charlie are out of sight. Her eyes lock with Jen’s. Jen’s fists clench and unclench, clench and unclench. 

“Oh look Judy, it’s your dyke girlfriend,” Steve teases. Neither woman makes a sound. Until Steve releases Judy and grabs Jen by the hair, aiming the barrel of the gun against her head. Jen gasps with pain. 

“Don’t!” Judy screams. 

“I wonder if you’d be more willing to acquiesce if it was Jen’s life that lay in the balance?” Steve asks.

Tears free-fall all over Judy’s cheeks. Her hands scramble for the checkbook. She has to steady her right hand with her left to keep it from shaking so much. She offers the check to Steve. The paper quivers in the air. Steve moves in front of Jen, then, and backhands Judy so hard that she falls backwards into the corner of the kitchen island and falls to the floor with her hair whipped over her face. 

“No!” Jen tries to move between him and Judy, but Steve easily pushes her aside and kicks Judy, hard, in the ribs. 

“Fucking cunts,” Steve curses. He picks up the check, now stained with small dots of blood, up off the ground and walks out of the door. 

“Judy,” Jen breathes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jen has a plan to protect her family.

Jen drops to the floor and brushes Judy’s hair out of her face tenderly. Judy sobs quietly from the inside of the ball she’s curled into on the floor. 

“Is, is he gone?”

“He’s gone,” Jen whispers. She carefully helps Judy into a sitting position, then watches as Judy’s breathing gets more and more erratic until she’s hyperventilating. Judy squeezes her eyes shut and leans forward without sound. Jen isn’t sure she’s still breathing. She moves quickly to wrap her arms gently around Judy’s shoulders and tells her to “breathe, honey, breathe. Shhhhhh…” Judy rocks back and forth in Jen’s arms and tries to let in little gasps of air. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, he’s gone. You’re safe now, I got you, baby,” Jen soothes. They stay there on the floor for a long time, Jen whispering reassurances into Judy’s hair, Judy remembering how to breathe. 

“Jen?” Judy finally chokes out.

“Yeah?” 

“I was making pasta alfredo. I— I think the alfredo is burning.” 

Jen looks up and sure enough, smoke is billowing from the pan on the stove. She runs her hand over Judy’s head one more time and gets up to turn the stove off. She offers Judy a hand and helps her to her feet. Judy’s eyes flicker to the blackened pan. Jen reads her mind.

“It’s all right. I’ll just tell Charlie to throw in a frozen pizza.”

Judy nods. She maintains a death grip on Jen’s hand. Jen guides her up the stairs to her bed. ‘

“I’m gonna check on the kids and make sure all the doors are locked and alarm’s on,” Jen tells her. 

“Okay,” says Judy, though the prospect of being alone causes her stomach to flip.

“I’ll be right back,” says Jen. She plants a lingering kiss on Judy’s forehead. 

After Jen pops a pizza in the oven and kisses each of her kids on the forehead (Charlie wipes it away and mimes throwing it in the trash, but Jen doesn’t miss his quick smile), she heads out to the guest house to get Judy’s pajamas. As she’s walking away, she stops to hover near the safe beside Ted’s bookshelves. 

“Shit. What am I doing?” Jen mutters to herself. She spins the lock and it pops off of the door. Inside is a gun and a 2-inch binder with “IN CASE OF EMERGENCY” written on the binding. She takes the gun, makes sure it’s locked and loaded, and buries it into the deep pockets of her robe. She locks the guest house, double locks the front door to the house, turns on the alarm, turns off the lights, circles back to the front door to double check that it’s locked and the alarm is on, and finally pads her way back up the stairs.

When Jen returns to the master bedroom, Judy is in the exact same position she left her in, watching the door with wide eyes. Jen goes to her and sits on the edge of the bed next to her to rub her back. Judy rests her head on Jen’s shoulder, never closing her eyes. They cling to each other in the silence. 

“I got you your pajamas,” says Jen. 

“Okay.” Judy takes a deep breath, then detaches from Jen and goes into the bathroom. While Judy’s changing, Jen quickly hides the gun in her nightstand, and opens and closes it to make sure it’s still there, as if it might disappear. 

Judy comes out of the bathroom and buries herself in the duvet on her side of the bed. Jen crawls into bed beside her and turns off the lights. 

Jen touches Judy lightly on the back. 

“Jude?”

Judy rolls over to face Jen in the dark blue. “Yeah?”

“Has Steve ever— hurt you before?”

Judy’s mouth twitches. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay.” Jen nods. “It’s just, the way he was yelling at you and the way you were reacting— it seemed like I was seeing something that had happened before.”

Judy rolls over to her back. “Jen, I don’t want to talk about it, will you please just drop it?”

“Okay,” says Jen. “We don’t have to talk about it tonight.” 

Jen takes a deep breath. “But I, I just need to know that you’re okay.”

“I’m okay,” Judy promises.

“Okay.”

Jen stares at Judy. Jen thinks, she is so beautiful. Jen thinks, I would give my life for this woman. Jen reaches for Judy’s hand. Judy turns back over and smiles at her. They sit like this for hours, hands getting sweaty, neither of them sleeping, neither letting go. 

Until around 1am, when Judy bolts upright and shouts, “Fuck!”

Jen jumps up with her, heart racing. “Judy? What’s wrong?”

Judy’s face is clouded with anguish. “I told Henry I’d look at his science project!”

Jen shakes her head and plops back down on her pillow. “Judy, you scared me! I thought there was something seriously wrong!”

Judy throws her hands up in the air. “There is something seriously wrong! I broke a promise and I never break promises! What if Henry never wants anything to do with me ever again?”

Jen rolls her eyes. 

“Well, what if he didn’t?”

Jen grabs Judy’s arm. “Judy, we are talking about the boy who won’t even remember what he had for dinner by the morning. A boy who can’t even get his own middle name straight without me reminding him.”

Judy considers this. “Well, Henry Tobias Ted Thomas Harding is kind of a mouthful.”

“It kind of is. I blame Lorna.”

Judy stays quiet for a bit. Jen watches the gears churn in her head. Judy turns to her. 

“Do you think I should go talk to him now?”

“Well, I think that would be a great idea,” Jen says sarcastically. Judy’s face momentarily lights up. “If it wasn’t 1:12 in the morning.”

Judy groans and falls back under the covers. Jen tries to close her eyes. When she opens them again, Judy is quietly crying. Jen moves towards her. 

“Judy?” She asks. 

Judy shakes her head and tears run down her cheeks. Her voice shakes. “Um…Steve has hit me before. And I’m not okay.”

Jen pulls Judy to her. “Shh…”

“I’m sorry,” Judy gulps. “I’m sorry I brought him into your house.”

Jen shakes her head against Judy’s. “Don’t be sorry. This isn’t your fault.”

“The kids—” Judy gulped.

“Are fine,” Jen finishes. “They’re just a bit worried about you, but I told them you were gonna be fine. Because you will be.”

Judy pulls away from Jen, shaking her head. “No. He’s gonna fucking kill me. He’s gonna kill me, Jen.” 

Jen grabs both of Judy’s hands tightly. “No, he’s not.”

“Yes, he is.”

“No, he’s not.”

“But he—”

“I. Won’t. Let. Him.” Jen promises. “So let me tell you what we’re gonna do. First, you’re gonna get some sleep. And I will watch over you. Then, in the morning, we’re gonna go to the police station and file a restraining order. We’re gonna buy security cameras and a taser that you can keep in your pocket. Hell, maybe even a German Shepherd or a Doberman, the son of a bitch doesn’t like dogs, right? Then we’ll see about booking you an appointment with a therapist, and maybe a doctor, to check out your ribs. I will move the safe into my bedroom so that the gun is there if I need it. And for the next 24 hours, I’m not letting you out of my sight.” Jen tucks a loose strand of hair behind Judy’s ear and tilts her head. 

“Okay?”

Judy nods. “Okay.”

“I love you, honey. A lot.”

“I love you too.”

Judy leans forward to plant a kiss on Jen’s lips, and lowers her head into Jen’s lap. Jen pets her hair. 

“Jen?”

“Yes?”

“Can we name the Doberman puppy Alan?”

“Why Alan?”

“They all look like Alans to me.”

“Dogs?”

“Dobermans.”

“Okay, Judy. Go to sleep.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jen takes Judy shopping, where they run into someone Jen would rather avoid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for sexual harassment.

Jen’s running a hairbrush through her hair at 7am when she comes into the bedroom to see Judy rubbing her eyes.

“So I’ve been talking to this guy on craigslist,” Jen begins to say.

“Ugh. Jen! No good sentence ever started with ‘so I’ve been talking to this guy on craigslist,’” Judy moans. She rolls out of bed and heads towards the bathroom. 

“This one does! Look.” Jen pulls something up on her phone to show to Judy. 

The photo shows 5 Doberman puppies in a basket toppling over each other, fur rolling into their eyes. Judy audibly awws. 

“Totally purebred, they’ve got all their shots, and, best part, they’re only like $500 a piece.”

“$500?” Judy exclaims. “How much do Doberman puppies typically cost?”

“No fucking idea, let’s just go with it, mama got a big commission last month.” 

“Well, mama needs to stop referring to herself in the third person and realize that she’s not gonna be paying for a purebred security dog all by herself.” Judy laughs as she walks into the bathroom. When she sees her reflection, though, the laughter stops. She lowers herself to the bathroom stool. 

Judy’s left cheek is all red and blue, especially near the eye. Her left wrist, which she can hardly move without shooting nerve pain, still retains the print of Steve’s grip. A blue bruise blossoms on her ribcage. She reaches out to touch the mirror. Her eyes brim with tears remembering, remembering, remembering.

Jen appears behind Judy and lays two light hands on her shoulders. Judy looks down.

“It’s all coming back to me now. Those dark days,” she shudders. 

Jen touches her hair and presses a long kiss onto the top of her head. 

“I won’t let him hurt you again.”

Judy’s eyes flicker up. 

“Come on, get dressed,” says Jen. “We gotta take the boys to school, then we’ve got a big day ahead of us.”

“Okay,” Judy says sadly. 

Half an hour later, Judy lets Charlie sit in the front seat and talk to his mom about girls and SATs while she and Henry discuss the physics of ice bubbles. Jen looks through the rearview every once and a while to watch Henry and Judy as they speak, increasingly animated, and Jen smiles. There’d been a hole, and where the hole used to be they now have Judy. 

After watching the kids leave and climbing into the front seat, a certain glint leaves Judy’s eyes and she grows quiet. Jen pulls over on the street a block away from the school campus.

“Where do you want to go first?” Jen asks softly. Judy considers this. 

“I was kind of excited about the taser,” Judy begins. “Although I have no idea how I would go about getting one. Wal-mart?”

Jen shakes her head. “No, Wal-mart’s for guns and mace. Tasers you gotta go to an actual gun store for.” 

“Ah, gotcha. Let’s go there then.” Judy stops Jen before she can turn the car back on. “But Jen?”

“Yeah?”

“You know you don’t have to do all this for me, right? Like, any of it.”

“You know I love you, right?” Jen counters.

“Yeah?” Judy responds, looking down at her feet.

“Yeah. So no more stupid questions.”

Jen puts on her heavy metal and the two meditate on the devil’s music as they ride down the highway. Judy can’t believe she’s going to a gun store. To buy a taser. She tries to imagine Steve lunging at her, her pressing a button to electrocute him into oblivion— but somehow her mind can’t conjure up the image. She’s still staring into space trying to electrocute Steve in her mind when the car stops in front of the arms store. Seeing the mountain men with their mustaches carrying out rifles like big Christmas presents wakes her, and makes her stomach dance. In today’s headlines of Totally Obvious News, Jen is completely unphased by this scene and even holds Judy’s hand nonchalantly as they walk into the giant warehouse of second amendment diehards. 

Jen grabs a cart and immediately starts filling it with mace, two pocket knives, and a beware-of-dog sign. Judy browses the store as you would a good sex shop— abashed and hands-off— from right behind her. Jen stops in the stun guns aisle. 

“Let’s see,” Jen offers. “Do we want pink and glittery or black and threatening?”

“Black and threatening,” Judy answers. “Like Catwoman.”

Jen meows and throws the taser in the cart. “I’ll show you how to use it later.”

“Okay.” Judy peruses the rest of the aisle curiously from behind Jen, picking up tasers carefully and putting them back down quickly, as if they might go off. Then she notices that Jen has gone completely rigid, unmoving. 

“Uh… Jen? Earth to Jen.”

Jen points between the shelves at a man with a greasy mustache with his paws up on the glass display of shotguns. 

“That’s him. That’s the guy that tried to feel up on me in his ‘66 mustang.” 

“Oh,” whispers Judy. “Do you want me to go punch him?”

“Kinda,” Jen answers. Judy immediately starts to speed off towards him, but Jen grabs her elbow. 

“Judy, I was kidding!”

“Oh,” Judy murmurs. “Jen, you know I’m not good at recognizing sarcasm!”

“I know,” says Jen. “You’ve really gotta work on that if we’re gonna make this work, ya know.” 

“I know.”

The two peek around the corner of the aisle at the man, Judy so close to Jen that she can smell her coconut hair conditioner. The one she’s been stealing from Jen to use on her hair without Jen noticing. 

Jen grabs Judy’s hand, then slowly lets it slip out of her grip. “Come on,” whispers Jen. “Let’s just buy our stuff and get the fuck out of here.” Judy nods. 

Jen and Judy make it halfway across the warehouse with their cart when they hear chuckling.

“Why, fancy seeing you again,” the chuckling says. “You know I love a woman with a gun. Or better yet, two.”

Judy hopes that Jen will just ignore the man, but Jen stops dead in her tracks and slowly wheels around to face the man. His pocket bulges with a not-so-well-hidden Glock. 

“Fuck you,” Jen says simply.

The man’s face turns red and he comes within 6 inches of Jen’s face. 

“What the fuck did you just say to me, bitch?”

Judy jumps between Jen and the man. “She said fuck you, bitch. And don’t talk to my girlfriend like that.” And with that, Judy punches the man so hard that his cheek throbs with the imprint of her ring. 

“Come on, let’s go!” Judy yells. She pockets the taser and abandons the parking lot and she and Jen sprint down to the entrance with the man chasing after them and lots of store attendings yelling, “hey! You haven’t bought that item yet!” Jen and Judy race down the parking lot and Jen pushes Judy over the middle of the car into her seat, gets in, and closes the door that the man is pounding. Jen speeds off, throwing the finger out her window. 

At the first stop light on the highway, Jen and Judy look at each other, panting, and laugh and laugh. When they start driving again and get over their laughter, Jen looks at Judy, who’s turning the unpackaged taser around in her hands carefully.

“Did you mean it?” asks Jen.

“What?”

“That I’m your…” Jen swallows. “Girlfriend?”

“Well, we are, like, sleeping together. And living together. And raising kids together. And, hell, we’re about to buy a dog together.”

Jen considers this. “Yeah. Girlfriends.” She likes the taste of the word in her mouth. 

Judy beams. Punching that guy, when she knew he was someone who had hurt Jen, felt easy, and, really good. Maybe she is a person who was capable of using a taser after all. She could be her own Doberman, kickboxing Nazis and casting curses on anyone who threatened to hurt her family. Her… girlfriend.


End file.
